Amends
by Mrs.Scarlettbutler
Summary: How would the curse of Scarlett O’Hara Butler’s life have turned out, if Rhett had offered his help after the rendezvous at the mill.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything that already belongs to MM's estate

This is a new story I'm working on, first it will follow the book closely, and you will see I've borrow from the book as well. It's a 'what if' story. How would the curse of Scarlett O'Hara Butler's life had turned out, if Rhett had offered his help after the rendezvous at the mill.

_I wish I was a time traveller. I go back to the moment when we were together. I hide all of your weapons the minute before you opened the front door. I wish I was a time traveller__. I go back to the time when we were better // I'm travelling through time with a mind that's filled with you and every beat of my heart is beating me back to you. I wish you knew. For even if I moved fast forward. Fast forward. I still run back towards you. Back and towards you. Julie Bertelsen, Timetraveller, DK _

Chapter One

Amends

How she got out of the office she never remembered. But she went instantly, swiftly, by Ashley's order. Shame and fear speed her homeward. Fortunately the house was empty and still in the April sunset. Scarlett hasted inside. They would cast all the blame on her. The woman. It was always the woman, whom society cast before the lions in those matters. Always, society only shrug at the man's guilt; those poor creatures couldn't be blamed. No, it was always the woman who tempted the man! And she was guilty! She had gone into his arms.

Adultery! It had been so dull and innocent, but they would call it adultery, never the less. How had she gotten into this? Adultery, she despised the very thought. Giving her body to someone other than her husband. Never! But she had gone into Ashley's arms, too weak from hunting memories to think. Too hurt to know what she did. She had been back in the county, carefree and admired. Her parents had been alive. Oh, the memories had hurt. Ashley had offered comfort as only a friend, who knew her beginnings and her present could offer. They had been back in a time when he was a dear friend, a protective friend. To a time less complicated, a time with innocence and youth. A time before any of them had married.

Melanie! Dear God, news travelled so fast and Melanie would hear of it. India would by no doubt have told her by now, what she believed had happened. It would break Melanie's heart; if she thought her husband and Scarlett had betrayed her. The mere thought scared Scarlett; Melanie should be kept out of this. If only the old saying: 'the wife is always the last to find out' was true. Tears were steaming down her face, she could stand the cuts if she had to stand them, and she wouldn't mind, if only Melanie could be spared.

Suddenly her tears stopped short as a deadly fear went through her heart. What of Rhett? What would he do? Rhett was so proud; he wouldn't take it lightly, not because he cared, but because it was Ashley, of all men. Ashley had said; he believed she would never grow old. He could be more right than he cared to be, Rhett would be furious enough to punish her. Surely, he wouldn't kill her, would he? Of course not! But the though sent pure fright through her heart and she couldn't deny it. Oh, what was she to do?

With her heart beating violently in her throat and her body shaking as badly, Scarlett only wanted to lock herself in her room for protection, but before she reached the stairs, she changed her mind. It would be the first place Rhett would look for her, she always hide in her room, when things had gone wrong for her. And wrong they had gone! Perhaps he would never know. But Archie had said he would tell Rhett. Archie who hated her and, whom hated loose women with all his heart. Rhett would come for her!

Where could she hide? With eyes clouded with fear and guilt she searched the Hall for a way out, fear blinded her eyes and mind and she panicked. Suddenly, the small table to lay hats and gloves upon seemed like the best option, taking a small step towards the longed for refugee, she froze. Someone was approaching the front door, someone with heavy and purposeful strides. Rhett! So soon! She wasn't ready; she had to come up with a story yet.

Without thinking Scarlett bolted for the first door she saw. Shutting it quickly behind her, her knees threatened to give away underneath her. Leaning heavily against the door, she felt cold sweat forming in her palms and felt the pain in her chest from her abrupt breathing. Her swimming eyes took in the room, she was in the parlour.

A few steps to her left, was her desk, where she spent most nights working on the ledges. Stepping away from the door she looked for a hiding place, with a child's logically mind; she believed she would be safe, as long as she was out of Rhett's sight. Before she could decide what to do the door, behind her, was forcefully opened.

Slowly, so very slowly, she turned. Her eyes wide with fear, they seemed unnaturally large and shinning dully, green against the sickly paleness of her face. Her left hand cluttered her heart and the right hand covered her mouth, as to stop her for screaming.

After what seemed like an eternity her eyes met the black depths of her husband's. Never had Scarlett seen such coldness in his eyes, avoid of feelings, they stared back at her, his face was hard and lifeless. The frightening look scared her beyond reason, "Rhett!" she cried.

"Mrs. Butler, I thought, by now, you would be up in your room admiring the new vulgar dress, bought from my money, with the only purpose, to seduce the fancy Mr. Wilkes "

"Oh Rhett, did Archie dare…"

"Archie dared. A very brave man, Archie."

With chattering teeth, she backed away from him, she wanted to get away from the frightening look in his face and the cold glitter in his eyes. She longed for the soft, yet aloof, glance his eyes had held, when they still shared a bed.

"Scared Mrs. Butler?" He watched her, "you should be!"

Still, his voice was emotionless which made her all the more scared. This was the man, who shoots first and asking questions afterwards. This was the untamed wildness in him he controlled to perfection.

"But Rhett"

She couldn't think of what to say. In two large strides he was towering over her, with her eyes transfixed at his, she saw his hands move, then she felt them on her head, under her flowering hair, caressing hard.

"You should be afraid Scarlett, these hands could tear you to pieces with no trouble whatsoever, and they very well might."

"I…I, oh Rhett" she tried again.

"Don't try to explain, Scarlett. It doesn't matter"

She believed him. He could easily hurt her and, suddenly, she was sure he would. He didn't cared about her; she had known that for a long time. She had spent so many hours wondering about his true feelings for her, trying to find the reason, why he had married her. Still, she had to come up with one.

"How could you further ruin Bonnie's chances?"

The pressure on her head became harder. Her legs wouldn't stop shaking underneath her, tiredly, she gave up; she couldn't hold her body up anymore.

Swiftly, Rhett's hands slide from her head to her tiny waist, holding her up. Her head leaning heavily on his chest, knowing it was unwanted but she lacked the energy and strength to stand on her own two feet.

For the third time that day tears steamed down her face.

"I'm so sorry Rhett. Oh, poor, poor Melanie, it will break her heart." She would go to hell for this, she was certain.

She felt an awkward movement of his body. Then one of his hands was moved from her waist and instead of supporting her, tilting her head upward, until he could look fully at her face.

"You're sorry for Mrs. Wilkes?" Surprise flashed his stared, before he hid it behind the former coldness.

TB


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all of your reviews they were great. Sorry for the TB in the end as Eva pointed out; it should be TBC.

Sorry for the late update, but strange things happened to my Internet connection.

I've been listening a lot to 'come Undone' with Duran Duran when I started this story, I don't know why, but maybe the lines 'who do you need, who do you love when you come undone' reminds me of our very own Scarlett.

Hope you'll enjoy ;-)

Amends

Chapter two

"Truly I am, I don't care if you believe me. She doesn't deserve those lies, that trashy India will tell her."

"Pray do continue Mrs. Butler."

"Let me go Rhett. I'm tired. I'm going to bed"

"Hell no you are Scarlett. We have a reception to attend. And attend we will!"

"I can't!"

"A moment ago you felt sorry for Miss Melly and now you are ready to let her face the lions alone. How faithful you are Mrs. Butler!"

"I'm sorry for her, she shouldn't be hurt for an unwanted and never asked for hug" Bitterness was clear in her voice.

"Unwanted and unasked for, you say?"

"What do you care, Rhett?" She could only hope he wouldn't ask for an explanation, what could she say? How could she explain?

"You are my wife, of course I care. Pray do explain."

In agony she tried to find a suitable story, finding none, she mumbled:

"It doesn't matter. Now let go of me."

"There's where you're wrong Mrs. Butler, it matters, and I will most certainly not let you go."

She felt so tired but at least her body had stopped trembling and the fright had left her, he wouldn't hurt her. She hoped.

"I was crying. Ashley was the least of my mind, he wanted to comfort me, I guess."

It was the truth, she had admitted weakness, now, he could use it as he wanted; she couldn't find a story to cover up what had happened. Oh, what would she do if he left her? The pain was almost physical, it didn't come from only fear of what people would say and think, but also from something, a pang of sorrow and hurt, she couldn't explain. How good it felt to be in his arms again! She felt the hotness of her skin where his index finger and thumb touched her.

"Why were you crying, Scarlett?"

"Ashley spoke of the old days, the days before the war and I couldn't help remembering. Ashley embraced me, and it helped to be close to an old friend, who knew my beginnings and present. I needed not explaining anything. We were childhood friends again, it was a …Oh, I don't know. A contenting feeling, you may say."

Her own words tricked a ray of understanding, which had escaped her at the mill, when his touches failed to excite her, and even now, it wasn't clear. But she couldn't fool herself; her love for Ashley had changed. Had it grown deeper? It was impossible to know right now in Rhett's arm.

"Ah, merely a childhood friend?" Some of the coldness disappeared from his eyes. "Now we have to get ready, we have a reception we are running late for."

"They'll have told everybody lies. I can't go tonight," she stammered.

"You will go," he said, "if I have to drag you by the neck and plant my boot on your ever so charming bottom every step of the way." His words were angry but his voice held no hate.

"You're a coward. If not for your own sake, you are going tonight for Bonnie's sake. I will not let you ruin her chances with your thoughtlessness."

"I'm not a coward," she cried, stung out of her numbness.

"Then stop acting as one. Tonight we will play our roles as reconciling husband and wife. No one will doubt how devoted we are to each other. Do you understand? We will stay until Mrs. Wilkes asks us to leave her house. In this house things will change, for Bonnie's sake. I will watch your every move, be certain of that Mrs. Butler, and you will fulfil your role. We will do this for Bonnie, to assure her a place in society."

"What do you want from me?" She wasn't sure she understood his rambling.

"You playing a devoted wife to _me_ and not Mr. Ashley, everyone must be sure of where your fidelity, loyalty…and _love_ lie," he snorted the word love.

In her bedroom she lay down on her bed, if only she could lock herself in here forever, perhaps, then, her world would be fine again. Coward! Not her! She would stand the cuts tonight, not that she wanted to but she doubted Rhett would allow her to escape her fate tonight. Her mind was still whirling round and round making it impossible to sort it out.

How she had longed to be in Ashley's arms again, it was a dream coming true only it had left her confused and scared. Never before had she considered Melanie's feelings when dreaming of her husband.

And Rhett. Rhett had most certainly not been on her mind at those times, briefly, she wondered what her dreams exactly had been. Changes! Rhett had talked of changes; she had been unable to understand his words with such a mess in her own head. All she had noticed was the change in his voice during the conversation; it had lost a bit of the impassiveness to become slightly warmer. If only she could slow her mind down and leave her thoughts to another day.

She heard him knock on the door and she said, trying to control her voice: "Come in"

"Am I actually being invited into the sanctuary?" he questioned. There was nothing in his voice. He entered and closed the door behind him.

"Are you not ready yet? You will have to hurry"

He had meant it, when he said they would go. Mother of God! Have mercy with me, she thought. He was in her closet, going through her dresses swiftly. He fumbled and drew out her new jade-green watered-silk dress. It was cut low over the bosom and the skirt was draped back over an enormous bustle and on the bustle was a huge bunch of pink velvet roses.

"Wear this," he said, tossing it on the bed and coming towards her. "No modest, matronly dove greys and lilacs tonight. Your flag must be nailed to the mast, for obviously you'd run it down if it wasn't. And plenty of rouge. I'm sure the woman the Pharisees took in adultery didn't look half so pale. Get out of you dress! I will lace you if your stays are too loose. Oh, yes, I know all about lacing."

His words cut her heart, he believed she had committed adultery, even, after she had spoken the truth, he believed in lies. She pulled out off her clothes and turned around for him to lace her tighter.

He took the strings of the stays in his hands and jerked them so hard that she cried out, frightened, humiliated, embarrassed at such an untoward performance.

"Hurts, does it?" He laughed shortly. She couldn't se his face. "Now put on the dress and the rouge, we can't come much later. Hurry."

She reached for the dress on the bed, he offered her no help, but took out a cigar from his pocket and lit it. She got ready without paying much attention to her deeds; all she saw was that he wasn't looking at her once. It had been forever and ever since he had been in her room and seen her in nothing but her stays and chemise, and he took no notice of how nice she looked.

"Ah, ready to face the lions, I see." He finally commented, without looking at her.

In the carriage she was atremble again, silently he handed her one of his never-ending steams of handkerchiefs, gratefully she squeezed it between her sweaty, cold hands.

They were late; Melanie's house was already crowed with people. Rhett's strong hand pulled her out of the carriage before she could have a chance to change her mind; "I never thought I had married a coward, pity, the Irish are well-known for their courage and temper." He was mocking her.

"I'm not a coward!" She lifted her chin high in the air. She would show them. Only Melanie…Only Melanie.

On the porch Rhett was bowing right and left, his voice cool and soft. The music stopped as they entered and the crow watched them in silent shock. The silence were unnerving, would they all turn their backs on her, politely freeze her out as only the Southern could. She had seen how distant the Southern would be when they ignore an outcast; their eyes went right through the person and a polite, impersonal mask covered their faces. Would she now face that fate, she had seen the act played many times during the war. In fact she had participated more than once, never imagine; it could happen to her one day.

Before she could speak to those nearest the door, someone came through the press of people.

There was an odd hush that caught at Scarlett's heart. Then through the lane came Melanie on small feet and a devoted expression in her face. She went to her side and slipped an arm about her waist.

"What a lovely dress, darling," she said in her small, clear voice. "Will you be an angel? India was unable to come tonight and assist me. Will you receive with me?"

Bewildered, she turned to Rhett, who nodded his head ever so slightly, as it was only meant for her to see.

"Why, of course Melanie." How odd that her voice could sound so normal in such a stressed situation.

There she was standing between Ashley and Melanie welcoming the guest, the line of people never seemed to end. Sheltered by Melanie's love and loyalty people were polite though a bit distant, Ashley looked shameful and guilty. She would rather face Sherman's army again. Guilt put its cold hand on her heart. She was most guilty. Her only comfort was that Rhett stayed closed by, and whenever she looked up, she would meet his emotionless eyes, they communicated courage to her. He was busy with his polite small talk to the matrons, a habit he had taken after the birth of their daughter, his favourite topic would, without doubt, be Bonnie at such gatherings, she knew.

Constantly Melanie or Rhett was by her side, she dared not look at Ashley and kept her attention fully on Rhett. She would go mad, if she gave any attention to others than Rhett and Melanie. Unknowingly, she was playing her role to perfections, not that she remembered, she had a role to play.

No one would disgrace Melanie with gossiping about her husband and that Scarlett Butler in her own house, but all were confused. Until now, it had been a matter whether to believe in India Wilkes or in Melanie. Knowing that when India Wilkes didn't show up tonight they would be forced to take a stand, most of them believed India Wilkes but most, afraid to be banned from Melanie's home, would side with Melanie. Now, they were confused; Scarlett being supporting of her husband, her eyes rarely leaving him.

If she had committed adultery with Ashley Wilkes would she then be this attentive of Captain Butler, when she never had in the past?

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for reading and reviewing, I always work faster when I know somebody do read my story. If my grammar sucks, I'm sorry. Happy reading – I've the day off! 

Amends

Chapter three

Safe in their house again, Rhett escorted her into the dinning-room. The ride home had been held in icy silence, both had been lost in their own thoughts and she very shattered. Filling two glasses with brandy, he shoved one glass into her hand.

"I don't want a drink," she started, but was cut off.

"You do carve a drink by now. I do know you drink in the quiet. Do you think I care, if you like your brandy, well, I don't. Sit down my dear."

He pushed out the chair for her, when she was seated, he lowered his body down in the chair next to hers at the end of the table, stretching his long legs before him he raised his glass to her; "To the successful comedy tonight." He drowned his glass.

Hesitating only briefly, she followed his example.

"I assume that you now understand, what I meant, when I mentioned changes in this house?"

Mother of God, she couldn't remember what he had said earlier, how could she when her mind was a messy battlefield.

"Oh, changes." She said, trying to win time.

"I thought you wouldn't, my dear. His laughter was short and dry, "well, tonight's comedy won't be enough to safe your reputation and ensure Bonnie the position in society, she deserves. We gave the lions something to tall about and thanks to Miss Melanie's' kindness we won a truce. I don't know why, but she loves you dearly."

"Do hush Rhett." It had been awful to have Melanie stand by her, when she felt so guilty

for stabbing a knife into Ashley's heart and thereby into Melanie's.

"The problem is that the lover looked like a damned fool and wishing he was dead."

"Please!"

"I don't please, " pouring them another shot of brandy, his mouth turned down at the corners but he didn't looked amused at all, his face seemed to be cut in stone. "You will listen my dear, this once you will listen and you will follow my instructions. I know you are not in the habit of foreseeing the consequences of your actions. This could very well be your downfall, but I refuse to go down with you, and for Bonnie's sake, I refuse to let you drown either."

He drowned another glass and she followed, the warmth of the liquor had a dull effect on her mind and she welcomed it.

"I will put it in words you will understand my dear, my ill-gotten money can't buy Bonnie a proper husband, it will take more than short-sighted investments, meaning the deal can't be closed now. A received father can bring her far, but not far enough when the mother is suspected of adultery. They would pity her but fear she would take after you, their sons would be forbidden land for my Bonnie. I can't allow that to happen. We will behave as a married couple, which means, I will have to insist of returning to the martial bed. With a husband in your bed you wouldn't have time to adultery."

Her mouth was round as in the letter 'o', she had missed him in her bed, had regretted to ban him as soon as the words had left her mouth, only pride had been a hindrance to take them back, together with his acceptance of her demand. She couldn't believe her luck.

"But?" she mumbled.

"But what Mrs. Butler?" He drawled in a thick voice.

"But what about Bonnie?" she couldn't think of anything to say, afraid he would take the words back.

"Bonnie will sleep with the lights on in my room with her door ajar. Mammy's scolding has affected me; I do realize people won't think it proper a little girl sleeping in her father's room. It will be only a matter of time anyhow, before she will have to have her own room." Finally, turning his eyes to her he picked up the decanter, "Would you like another short? If not, I suggest you go up an get ready for bed, I will be up shortly."

Abruptly, Scarlett stood up. Without looking at him she left the room, suddenly nervous. He would be in her bed tonight, she felt like a newly wedded wife, who didn't know what her husband would expect of her. It had been forever and ever since her husband had touched her. Had he missed her? Probably not, as he had said: there were other warm beds and other warm bodies.

She fumbled with her dress and rushed through the customary hundred strokes she treated her hair with, she wanted to look pretty for Rhett, it was just that she was too nervous to keep her hand still for the time it took. Not knowing what he expected from her, she searched her closet for the right nightgown, she found a pale rose-pink, decorated with big pale green leaves, the fabric was thin silk. It had been kept unused in her closet for ages; she had bought it, just before she banned Rhett from her bed, thinking he would like the fabric. It was so soft; the nightgown was almost homely, but it fitted her body in a most suitable way. It would be perfect.

Lying in bed she heard Rhett's footsteps in the corridor, they stopped before he made it to her door, straining her ears, she realized he had stop at his own bedroom door. Was he having he second thoughts about their sleeping arrangements? Her face twisted in a frown, it was tormenting her to always be alone. Her world had been almost fine, in the days when Rhett shared her bed, except from the lack of Ashley's love, and she hadn't been drinking.

Now, that she came to think of it, her need for brandy had returned, when her bed grew cold. She had paid a high price for her solitude and chastity, a price, not even, Ashley's touches earlier this day had justified.

She heard him move around in his room, he was being very quiet in respect of their sleeping daughter. Bonnie! Of course, Rhett would want to kiss the girl goodnight, he

was so sentimental when it came to babies. Her babies had always meant a lot him,

she couldn't really remember seeing him around other babies, only Beau, and he hadn't really dotted too much on that boy. She had always assumed it was because he was a boy. But it didn't fit in well with the attention he had given Wade, when he was a baby.

Why, it wasn't important, was it? Rhett wasn't like most men when it came to children.

After what seemed as an eternity his footsteps continued to her door, it was widely ajar, inviting him into the warmly cosiness.

This time he didn't knock but just entered the room; he was in his robe and slippers.

She couldn't help blushing when she remembered, that he preferred to sleep in only his underwear, he excused it with an increasing in his body temperature when sleeping, not that she ever had complain. The thick mat of black hair on his chest had served her head well as a sleeping pillow, and the beating of his heart had lulled her to sleep.

She had slept better and longer when they had been friends.

Standing beside the side of the bed, he had claimed, until it had been denied him, he slipped out of his robe, he was bare-chested but sleeping pants covered his legs.

"I could almost be deceived to assume you had stayed awake to welcome your long lost husband, if I, indeed, wasn't ill-bred enough to know you better, my dear."

Blushing, she pulled the covers up to her noise.

"Don't be silly, I only take what comes to me willingly, your virtue will be safe for tonight Mrs. Butler."

Embarrassment coloured her face, it was impossible to hide anything from him, and he had refused to look at her and see how pretty she was. God's nightgown, had he been honest, when he said her body meant little to him? Could that be true when she was so pretty? Her waist were still thinner than any sixteen years old belle's and her bosom higher than normal for her age, she knew, men noticed it when she walked into a room, didn't he?

Without turning to her, he blew out the light and rested with his back to her.

"Goodnight Rhett!" She said in a soft and shaking voice.

"Try to sleep Scarlett." He offered.

Hah! Sleep would be far of; her head was aching with all the thoughts whirling around and round still. The promise of this day had been unexpectedly good; Melly had urged her to delay Ashley, single-handed. It was her first chance of being alone with him since that cold winter's day at Tara, and that stolen moment on his furlough from the war. Often she had wondered, if he hadn't longed to be alone with her and confessing his undying love for her. Which of course would be difficult due to the moral protocol of propriety, but Rhett had always found a way to catch her alone. He had had a special talent for knowing exactly where to find her and taking liberties, some of them she had liked, not that she would ever admit. His kisses had been worth the risk, they seemed to start a fire in her spine and made her head spin. It was so long ago.

How had such a fine day gone so wrong? She had cried a river today and she hated to cry, it was a display of weakness. She had wronged three people today, starting with Ashley, continuing to Melanie, oh Melly, and ending with Rhett. The only bit of the day she liked, was that Rhett was back in her bed; not that he seemed to enjoy it, but at least she wasn't alone anymore. If Scarlett had been more analytical, she would had wondered, why she felt so much for Melanie and Rhett, but she wasn't – not used to part out any feeling or trying to understand it, she was lost in her own confused mind.

Sleep didn't come easy; listening to Rhett's even breathing, she wondered if he was asleep or only faking sleep. Sharing the bed again was a mixed experience, the old feeling of security had returned, but, now, it was mixed with an odd sense of excitement, she couldn't explain. Her heart was beating faster and her body was restless. He must be asleep otherwise how could he be so still, she thought disappointed.

In the still of the night, just after dawn, she awoke from a restless sleep, sensing a difference in the room, quickly, she opened her eyes; adjusting them to the semi-light, she stared directly into a swarthy face. Rhett! In her awaking state, she had forgotten about, this new sleeping arrangements. He was soundly asleep. A soft smile came to her face, he looked so peaceful, the lines had soften and he looked more content than she had seen him in such a long time. He had turned in his sleep now facing her. Like it was normal for someone, not used to sharing a bed, he had stay on his side of it, unconsciously aware of her presence. Unused to intimacy, he hadn't imposed on her.

Softly, she reached out and stoked away the hair that had fallen into his eyes, lingering for a moment, she ran a feather light index finger along his face, starting above his eye and ending close to his mouth. Feeling the contrast of soft skin and stubbles of beard, she shivered slightly. Withdrawing her hand, she closed her eyes again and with a smile on her lips, she returned to sleep.

When her breath had become even, a pair of dark eyes opened. Full of surprise and a glitter of something deeper, they watched her for a long time, first with burning intensity, before they softly caressed every curve of her face.

Sighing with content her smile deepened.


	4. Chapter 4

Wow, I'm overwhelmed – thank you so much for all your great reviews- I love them.

Keeping my word, I work faster knowing somebody reads this story, I'm updating.

Happy reading!

Amends

Chapter Four

When she awoke the next time, it was still very early but he was gone, and only the crumpled pillow and covers assured her he hadn't been a dream. Stretching her arm she touched his pillow, it was cold. How quickly it had become his pillow and not hers!

Suddenly remembering, why he had shared her bed all happiness left her. Oh how could she ever face Melanie alone again? Sweet Mother of God, she would have to explain herself to Melly, assuring her that it was all lies. But she had been in Ashley's arms, no lady, ever, allowed a gentleman embracing her but her husband. Ellen had taught her better than this, shamed covered her face when she thought of mother. Her mother had never displayed her feelings in public, not even towards her husband. Scarlett had never seen her mother embraced anyone outside the family, not even her sisters, when they were little ones.

Unable to control her mind with the well known: 'I will think about it tomorrow' she rushed out of bed, calling for Mammy to lace her. This morning Mammy was abnormally quiet; she dressed her mistress with swift, trained movements but no words.

She found Rhett and the children in the dinning-room. He looked dandy and fresh in his clean linen and freshly shaven face. They all looked up from their plates when she entered, Bonnie gave her a big smile before returning her focus to her breakfast plate. Wade and Ella only gave her a quick glance before they bowed her heads, but Rhett's eyes followed her when she went to her seat.

"Good morning children. Rhett"

"Good morning, Mother" Bonnie cried, Ella and Wade followed with a more humbled, "good mooning, Mother.

"Mrs. Butler" Rhett offered before directing his focus solely on Bonnie. The little girl's voice repeatedly demanded Rhett's attention, which he gladly gave. Picking at her food Scarlett was as dull as her oldest children; her normal healthy appetite had vanished. She was about to follow the children when Rhett excused them but was stopped by his thick Charleston drawl:

"Don't be in such a hurry, Scarlett."

Only glad to be delayed she leaned back in the chair, her eyes followed Bonnie out the door, the girl was more energized than properly for a girl her age, Mammy was fighting a lost cause, she smiled. Bonnie was a joy but in completely lack of discipline, until now, it had been part of her charm, but what was charming in a little girl was viewed differently in a slightly older girl, she knew by experience. If only Rhett would see reason where his daughter were involved.

"What are your plans for today, dear?" he questioned with mildly interest.

"My plans?" She stammered.

"Will you go to the store or the mills today?"

"Oh!" Looking down on her hands she avoided his stare, "I will visit Melanie. Very soon. She needs help…and I have time."

"Making your penance, of course." He mocked coolly

Glancing up, she couldn't read anything out of his face.

"What do you mean Rhett?" Why did he always know her intentions?

"It doesn't matter. From this day, you will need a chaperone when you go to the mills, your dutiful husband will escort you twice or thrice a week, depending on how often you desire to go?" The intensity was back in his black depths.

She looked at him with her pouting, childish look, for years she had fought the strings that had restricted her, now, she felt the strings tightened around her yet again. Strangely, it didn't anger her or reduced her sense of independence, but merely feeling it was a small price to pay for not being alone, she answered: "The mills will suffer if I don't go thrice a week, you know that. And then I will equally have shared my time between the store and the mills."

"Thrice a week it will be. I take it you will not go today?"

"Heavens no! I'm not even sure I will go to the store." Just today she couldn't face Ashley.

His guilty face would be unbearable and accusing.

"Ah, confess and find absolution have always formed the best fellowship for sinners. To stay with the subject, I will take the children to church tomorrow, I strongly suggest you too follow service in The Church of the Holy Virgin."

"The Church of the Holy Virgin?" What on earth was he talking about?

"You are a Catholic, right? As I recall, a passionate one when it comes to Heaven and Hell."

"Oh!" Rarely, she had attend services and the few times she had, had meant little to her.

"For some unknown reason every great civilisation is leaded by strong pillars of religion, Atlanta is no exception. Absolution seems to be more a matter of regular church going than faith. Never forget Mrs. Elsing's piety when she kindly credits your deeds."

For Heaven sake! What was he talking about? The old mocking was back in his voice and voice. Well she couldn't be bothered with it.

"I will just go with you, it seems a lot easier"

Laughing, he answered: "I will take you to Miss Melly on my way to the bank."

Thanks to the earliness of the day Melanie's house was vacant for eagerly, helpful guests, she was welcomed warmly by Melanie, who had just bid her husband goodbye, her eyes gloving with love and mildness. Looking into those mild, open eyes Scarlett felt her own become moist, the knot in her stomach grew larger from knowing how Melanie would recent her, when the truth had been told. Never stopping to think why Melly's opinion of her had become important, she just accepted it, like she accepted everything regarding her relations, without ever questioning, or changing opinions of them, or her feelings.

Before she could loose her nerve Scarlett let out her urgent words:

"Melly, I must explain about the other day…" she was cut off by Melanie, who had lost her normal calmness but not her love; "I will not hear any explanations from you, just like I told my dear Ashley, I won't tolerate lies."

With a sinking heart and a uncommonly adult insight she realized, she would never get the chance to release her guilt to Melly, the burden of having wronged her former sister-in-laws would always be hers. It was the heaviest and most galling burden she ever would tote, and the luxury of being forgiven was gone with a few words. Ashamed she understood, she had needed to confine in Melly to diminish her own amount of guilt, now, the full load would be hers.

The settings had changed and the roles were reversed; Scarlett was passive listening to Melanie confession her thoughts and feelings of the act, according to dear Melly, it was Scarlett who had been greatly wronged. Jealousy and hate had driven India to lie, blaming Scarlett for the loss of Stuart Tarleton's affections and the jealousy was Melly responsible for; she had always loved Scarlett more than Ashley's sister. Angry words steamed from Melly, who always spoke gentle of others and who always saw the good in people, didn't hold anything back in her evaluating of the conduct, committed by India Wilkes, Archie and Mrs. Elsing. None of the three would be welcome in her house before they had taken their lies back. Melanie would fix it so neither of them would be able to hold up their heads in Atlanta.

Right there on that morning in Melanie's parlor, Scarlett knew she had caused a feud that would split family and town for generations to come. Her position of being the black sheep of the family was now settled, her children would suffer from this; gossip would follow them around. With a sudden clarity she saw the impact of her thoughtless moment, she would listen to Rhett, he had whitened his reputation and for her children's sake she must do the same. "Melanie I do love you!" With eyes wide with mute chock she saw tears appearing in Melanie's eyes.

"I know you do dear!" Melanie beamed back. Scarlett's heart became a bit lighter.


	5. Chapter 5

Just love your reviews, thank you so very much.

Work has been crazy therefore the late update, sorry.

I hope this chapter works…

Amends

Chapter five

That night he came to their room after she had brushed her hair and lie in bed, clad in her usually white nightgown, almost giving up hope, that he would come, she had been about to blow the light out. Pleased, she watched him walking into the room in his dark blue robe, it left little to her imagination of his muscles hardness and the broadness of his shoulders, modestly, she turned her glare down to his feet, they were ridiculously small and she almost giggled. It was hard to comprehend why a large man like Rhett had gotten such small feet, but she didn't mind.

"How was Miss Melly?"

"She wouldn't let me explain Rhett, I wanted to but I just couldn't when she refused to hear of it."

"Of course she wouldn't, Scarlett."

"What do you mean? You knew she wouldn't?"

"Miss Melly is the kindest soul I've met and she doesn't see conceit in those she loves, and she loves you, why I will never know, but she does. What else did she say?"

Finally, he looked at her, his dark eyes blistered with mild interest.

"That she had told Ashley the same." She saw this tan hand uncover the bed before he got in next to her.

"How very fortunate for Mr. Wilkes, and how brave of him to hide behind his wife's skirts." He settled his pillow against the bedpost, relaxed against it and pulled the cover up to his middle chest. "What else did Miss Melly say?"

"That she was sick of hearing people talking ill of me, just because I had more brains than most of the men…" His laughter stopped her.

"Pray do enlighten me, what else did she say?"

"That Mrs. Elsing was angry with me because I was a better business man than Hugh and that India hated me because Melly loves me best, and because she blames me for loosing Stuart's affections. Melly will not receive people whom speaks lies of me and won't go to any house, where they are invited."

"Ah, you will be hiding together with Mr. Wilkes behind her skirts then. Thank God for Miss Melly." He spoke her name very softly.

Sighing, she twisted the topcover between her hands.

"What is it Scarlett?" The corner of his mouth went down in mock, "You think her silly?"

"No, she is very dear." She avoided his gaze.

"You didn't get your absolution, the guilt of your sins will be your cross to bear and not hers. Selfish to the very end, Scarlett!"

Anger came into her eyes but quickly faded as dread filled her, "Yes it will be my cross, I'm carrying all the blame and the feud, I'm guilty of, will be passed on to many generations to come. I know you only care for Bonnie's sake Rhett." Stilling her hands she quieted.

"Don't be ridicules, as I recall it Mr. Wilkes hugged you?" The familiar speculative, watchful look was back in his eyes, she hadn't seen it for a while and wasn't anywhere closer to understand it now.

"Yes, but I was crying." It was such a mess.

"No gentleman hugs another man's wife unless it's his own sister or mother, don't take all the blame on your shoulders. The brave Mr. Wilkes hasn't come to your rescue yet, why are you so willing to take his sins from his shoulders?"

"You don't blame me Rhett?" Her voice was heavy with surprise.

"I think you acted very foolish but I blame Mr. Wilkes, for not being the gentleman he claims to be. His lust blinded him and I loathe him for that. Repositioning in the bed, he left her to her own thoughts.

Lust! Was that all Ashley felt for her, no it couldn't be. But Rhett's words kept replaying in her mind; perhaps it was true that Ashley played the manly part in this and should share the guilt with her. And, for the first time, some of the bright glow which had enveloped him since the first day, she fell in love with Ashley began to fade imperceptibly.

Melanie was as good as her word; she had promised to stand by Scarlett, refusing to let anyone talking ill of her and due to her promise, Melanie started her own crusade, and dare the man or woman who challenged her. Petite Melly with the tender eyes, demonstrated a strength more sternly than fiercely rage, her eyes turned hard as steel when Scarlett was mentioned in a less than polite way. Atlanta was shaken, few was willing to loose Melanie's friendship and talked against their believe to get their sweet Melanie back.

Scarlett, who, saw the steel in her sister-in-law's eyes was bewildered, never had she pictured Melly as strong but rather the opposite; weak! The force she saw in Melly's eyes matched her own stubbornness, recognizing willpower when she saw it,

a new respect grew in her, bringing an unknown insight with it. The insight was buried in a deep layer in Scarlett's mind and it grew without she nurtured it. The insight came as flashing glimmers in her; she saw Melly running to her with Charles' sword in her hands, ready to defend Scarlett and she saw weak Melly helping her cleaning up after the murder she, Scarlett, committed. And she saw glimmers of Ashley in her mind, as well, pictures she forced away as fast as they came; Ashley unable to help her, unable to stand up for her or his wife.

Forever alone with her burdens and unclear mind Scarlett wasn't better suited to sort the pictures out and understanding them than she had been before the war. Her approach of life had been unique since childhood, leaving her with a sense of aloneness and never understood by those around her. When she had heard her sisters discuss human nature, she had been bored and unable to understand them. Her mind worked in another way, a way Mammy and her mother bullied in every way they could, Scarlett should, at any cause, fit into the same box as all ladies belonged to. Due to this Scarlett had never had someone to confine in and had in her early years stopped expecting to find one. For a time, she had Rhett but soon he lost interest and then she was on her own again. It was complex to sort feelings and thoughts out when never able to speak them aloud to anyone, therefore she failed it constantly, however, this time was not the same, the pictures, feelings and thoughts couldn't be pushed away and they made her feel altered and very, very alone.

Not for the first time in her life she felt dissimilar to the people around her but this time she felt it was her loss and not theirs, this time she longed for home, wherever home was.

It wasn't Tara, not this time!

It made her quiet dizzy and she lost her appetite.

The first appearance in public would be the next day; Sunday. Rhett had told Scarlett he would take the children to Church, as a Protestant he would take them to 'The Church of Atlanta.'

Knowing her Mother's dedication to the Catholic Church Scarlett felt she betrayed her by going with her family, but she just couldn't go to her Mother's Church, now of all times. The memories of her Mother's religious ways were vivid; every night Ellen had prayed by the rosary with her children and husband, no hardship or illness had altered her commitment to her faith. Scarlett remembered the look of devotion her faced had gloved from and the far away look in her eyes, Ellen had been in a place where no one could reach her. At those nights, the child, Scarlett, had felt an unbearable sadness when watching her mother, how she had longed to be in the same place as her, to share this inaccessible place with her beloved mother. The expression left Ellen's face when the prayers had been said but the far away look only faded diminutive. Ellen always seemed of worldly, her eyes blunt and kind but distant to her children.

Scarlett wanted to share her Mother's religion, if only not the services were so tiresome and meant so little to her. Knowing she stepped farther away from her Mother's life; Scarlett stayed with her decision from yesterday, she would go with her children and husband.

Tiredly, she closed her eyes desperately hoping for some peace in her ever-going mind,

Knowing it was fruitless she reopened them; starring into the air she wished she wasn't

so badly confused and alone. It was worse feeling alone in someone's company than being truly on your own. And it was horrible not to understand her feelings and odd flashes of


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for your reviews. It's nice to make someone laugh. It will be explained later why Rhett is so distant. As a reader pointed out Scarlett is in crisis right now, she has just realized she feels differently about Ashley, Melly and Rhett and that makes her feel very confused and guilty, she has to sort things out before she can change and that doesn't overnight.

Enjoy!

Amends

Chapter six

Rhett seemed mildly surprise, when she allowed Bonnie to decide when it was time for breakfast, it was earlier than she preferred but she obligated, not wanting to miss going with them.

Wavering before her closet, she wished she had more experience in churchgoing.

"A simple dress will quieting the audience," he stepped closer and judged the variety of dresses, "a dull grey would be too obvious, this will do."

The dress he had chosen was pale green and high cut, it was pretty in a simple, innocent way. Their eyes met when he handed her the dress, both remembered other days, when he had helped dressing her. "I will send Mammy for your" he said and left her alone.

Sauntering down Peach Three Street the Butler's had plenty of curious and suspicious glares, they were a rare sight; Rhett and Bonnie together were a common sight, and even Rhett with all tree children were frequently seen, but Scarlett in the group was atypical. She was holding hand with her oldest daughter, her other arm was linked in Rhett's. He had Bonnie in his free hand and Wade walked beside Ella. It was a pretty picture. They would look like an ordinary family; if not for Ella's ginger hair, with her father's colors she couldn't easily be taken for Rhett's child. Wade on the other hand could be taken as a child of Rhett and Scarlett. Strangers assumed Ella took after a grandparent or distant aunt.

Outside the Church Melanie rushed to Scarlett's side; "Dear, it's so lovely you could come today. Now, we can share a row."

"Auntie!" All tree children called.

"Hallo darlings, don't you look pretty Bonnie and you too Ella." Turning to Wade her eyes became proud; "Don't you look handsome."

"I will sit next to daddy and Beau. " Bonny yelled.

"Of course you will darling." Melanie agreed.

Turning her attention to Scarlett, she kissed her former sister-in-law's cheek; "You do look lovely today."

Without thinking, Scarlett beamed and squeezed Melanie's hand with affection, "Oh Melly, you outshine us all."

With happy, rosy cheeks Melanie turned her head and called; "Ashley do come and greet Scarlett and Captain Butler."

Not wanting to see Ashley, Scarlett turned to her husband, whom was staring at her intensely with unmasked puzzlement. Stunned, her eyes narrowed in confusion, everything had become astounding since that crushing embracing at the mill. Knowing something had changed just before she became aware of Ashley's arms, only it was impossible for her to understand her altering feelings. Before, she had the time to study his puzzlement his expression turned into amusement.

"My dear say hallo to Scarlett."

"Scarlett, you do look lovely. Captain Butler, it's good to see you have taken Scarlett with you today." Ashley made no attempt to follow polite rules and take Scarlett's hand into his to place and imaginable kiss just above it. Relieved Scarlett placed her hand on Rhett's arm.

"Yes, don't we all require a refreshment of the Ten Commandments every now and them."

With well breed in his voice Rhett's answer was acceptable, but Scarlett had a gnarling feeling that he was insulting Ashley. "Shall we find a row?" Rhett addressed Melanie with genuine warmth.

"Of course, how could I be so forgetting" Melanie linked her arm in Ashley's and started towards the Church building.

Gathering the children Scarlett followed Melanie's example with Rhett.

After some fussing from the children, mostly Bonnie, they finally found the little girl's desired seats. Her uncle Ashley was closest to the wall, then came auntie Melly, then Beau, then herself, then daddy, then Mother, then Ella and last came Wade. The Churchgoers smiled at Bonnie's charming wildness but found the company strange.

The competition between the Priest and the fifth row was insulting, improperly and never seen before, curiosity won; more eyes were on the fifth row containing the Butler and Wilkes families, than on the man of God. Only respect of the house they were in kept the good people from bowing their heads, not to pray, but to gossip with the neighbour.

Later, they wouldn't be restricted and tittle-tattle would run freely, ethics had a bizarre way of modelling into fitting standards by most pieties. Nothing would be spared among friends.

The Priest, a devoted man, sensed the inattention of his parish, unused to this rudeness, choked in his sermon. Forgetting the lecture he had wanted to teach his parish on this sunny spring day, he struggled to find the right words, pausing at long lengths he consulted with his notes and started all over again.

Scarlett's lively nature soon lost patience with the sermon, sighing, her eyes drifted to the other Churchgoers, it wasn't helpful, she was still bored. If just the man could get to the point and stop stammering, it would soon be over. But it seemed it would take forever. Feeling her eyelids growing heavy, she opened her eyes as widely as possible; to no use, they kept growing heavier. Obeying the heaviness, she closed them and leaned her head on something hard.

Feeling a light pressure on his right shoulder Rhett turned his eyes away from the Priest, his shoulder was supporting his sleeping wife's head, he couldn't help smiling; she never belied her nature. Never one to pretend interest when it wasn't there, even he had to admit today's sermon was tiring. With practiced hands he re-positioned his sleeping wife, now, no one would suspect, she just looked like a very devoted wife. The thought turned his lips into a sardonic smile. The masquerade continued.

Squeezing her eyes slightly open, Scarlett was about to give her peace of mind of being awoken, when she slept this good. Feeling a soft push in her side, she fully opened her eyes and stared right into two cold dark orbs, bolting her back straight up, she realized with embarrassment, that she had used Rhett's shoulder as a pillow.

She had slept in a Church!

Blushing deeply, she stole a glance of Rhett; he was mockingly amused.

Leaning into her he whispered into her ear; "Shame on you, Scarlett," he lifted his eyebrow in chock, "adding blasphemy to your charms."

"Do hush, Rhett!" fast she looked around to see if anyone had noticed, when she was reassured none had, she hissed; "when did you turn into a saint Rhett Butler? You don't fool me!" Her voiced missed the common sharpness when dealing with him; it was hard for her to think clearly when he was so closed. He hadn't been this close for years, not even when sharing her bed last night.

"Strong words for one, who mistakes glimmer for gold and deceitful for truth." He glanced uninterested at her before he turned his attention to Bonnie.

"Your are a cad!" Her eyes spit fire, he never saw.

"Ready to go Bonnie?"

"Yes daddy" Bonnie cried.

"Scarlett, would you kindly stand up?" He didn't pay her any attention. She nursed Wade into action and took Ella's hand in her own. She escorted her two oldest children out of Church, never letting go of Ella's hand. Ella unused to such affection from her mother, gloved with a mixture of happiness and nervy, she was afraid of doing something wrong and break the spell. She loved her mother dearly, no other mother was so beautiful and spirited as her mother, she feared her mother's harsh tongue but wanted to be just like her when she grew up. Bonnie already was like their mother Ella thought without any jealousy.

Outside the Church the Priest, Mr. Jones, stood to shake each hand of his Churchgoers, he was fairly shorter than Rhett but not short as Gerald, more in between, he was slender with blonde, thin hair, that he was starting to loose on the top. His face was homely but friendly with light blue, kind eyes. If he was surprised to see Mrs. Butler in his Church he hide it well behind cloudy eyes. When Scarlett lifted her green eyes to meet his, the cloudiness disappeared and was replace with admiration, this was a rare pearl he could tell, he wondered if the sadness he saw reflected in her eyes was put there by her husband. He knew Rhett Butler could be cruel; he wasn't as easily fooled as the matrons of Atlanta.

"God bless you" The words chocked him, but Mrs. Butler looked terrible lost, "I hope to see you and this little pretty girl again." He softened his words from before. Ella returned his smile, shyly. Scarlett bowed her head and nodded.

Scarlett waited with Wade and Ella for Rhett and Bonnie, he was not an outcast as she was and had many hands to shake. He was speaking to Dr. Meade, his eyes scanned the ground and finally landed on her; "over here Scarlett" he called for her.

Hesitantly, she urged the children to come with her and walked over to Rhett and Bonnie, normally, he left her to herself, when he socialized with the old families, as if he was afraid she would ruin it for Bonnie and him. "Oh, there you are, Scarlett. It's so easy to loose one another in a big crowd" he said to Dr. Meade.

"Hallo Scarlett" Dr. Meade didn't reach for her hand, "I thought you belonged to the Catholic Church?"

"I do, but I wanted to come with my family." She fumbled with her words.

"I'm sure Captain Butler is thankful for that, it can't be easy to handle tree children on your own." He looked sternly at her.

Guilt! Blinking her eyes, she tried to remove the picture of her wrapped in Ashley's arms, the guilt was back and now Dr. Meade added to it. She was a mad mother! Rhett so often called her that, and a bad wife, a wife who was intimate with other men than her husband.

"Are you all right, Scarlett?" A familiar sent indulged her; brandy and cigars, Rhett had moved closer to her, placing one of his big hands on her shoulder.

"I'm just fine!" Their eyes locked for a fleeting moment. "I expect to come every Sunday from now on Dr. Meade" She dimpled prettily at him. Perhaps then, she would be forgiven for her sins.

Taking her by the elbow Rhett started to walk away from the Doctor. "Still looking for absolution, I see." His voice was hard and cold.

"How you do run on, Rhett." Her voice flat, she never could fool him.

"I must be nice to be forgiven by the lover's wife. It makes it legal, I dare saying." He spoke low enough for the children not to hear him, but she wasn't that fortunate.

"I won't say I'm forgiven, Rhett, how can I if Melly won't listen?"

"And you don't have to answer to others than Miss Melly, Scarlett?"

Luckily, they had come to close to Melly for Scarlett to answer that question. Again, Melly was saving her. Sweet Melly! Rhett let go of her arm and stepped away from her, like he couldn't stand to be too close to her.

"It would be our pleasure if you would join us for our Sunday dinner Captain Butler and Scarlett." It was evident it wasn't Ashley, who had come up with the idea, it was clear that he hoped they would refuse.

"Of course we will, it will be our pleasure." Rhett answered before Scarlett had the moment to find an excuse not to go.

"Wonderful! Scarlett darling, we will see you in an hour." Melly beamed.

Why on earth had Rhett accepted? He would be just as displeased as she spending hours in the company of Ashley, he should've known, she wouldn't want this. But he just selfishly accepted the invitation without asking her. Forgotten was how please she would have been with the invitation just a week ago, it never even crossed her mind, she simply stared sourly at Rhett.


	7. Chapter 7

I don't own anything that belongs to MM

I don't own anything that belongs to MM.

Thanks for reviewing.

It's been a while since I've updated anything – sometimes writing comes easy other times it doesn't. I know the story is called amends, but truly, it's the road towards making amends that interest me, therefore amends won't come in a split of a second, I believe they rarely do. And I think Scarlett has to look hardly at her mother's life before she can change.

Feel free to tell me your mind – also if you don't agree with me or don't like the story.

Amends

Chapter seven.

Unpleased and resentful, she found herself situated at Melly's dinner table an hour later, her anger hadn't ceased and in childish sulking, she had refused to change her outfit. Today, she hoped to avoid Ashley's approving, stolen peeks, they had lost their appealing for the moment. Normally, she loved all the attention, she could get but the common goal from Rhett and Ashley to make her distressed with their glares annoyed her, bitterly. Well, Rhett didn't steel glares; he openly stared at her to Melly's joy and her discomfort. It was impossible to forget her guilt, hot tears sprung to her lowered eyes, biting them back her mind started to run on its own will again. All the painful memories of yesterday floated into her mind and she was powerless to stop them. The mental part of her had always been strong and easy for her to control, that control was slipping and it scared her to death, no matter how many times she mumbled 'tomorrow' it was fruitless. Today seemed to be yesterday, at least in her mind. Her mind was creating such strong feelings of guilt and regrets that it consumed her and almost became a physical pain. Feelings she couldn't understand.

_The endless line of people wishing to greet Melly and offer their congratulations to Ashley had finally stopped, already, Scarlett was exhausted and a headache was coming and she badly needed a drink. Melly was called to the kitchen leaving Ashley and Scarlett alone in awkward silence, closing her eyes, she thought of what to do, stiffing, she felt a warm hand on the bare part of her arm. Opening her eyes she stared into Rhett's, sighing with relief, she relaxed._

"_How is it to be the centre of attention, Scarlett, is it living up to your picture of it? Or has the grapes turned bitter?"_

"_W..what?" she stammered._

"_Never mind. Let's pretend to enjoy our marital status." He had a pleasant smile plaster to his face but his eyes remained the same frightening coldness, as they had earlier. Her skin, where his hand still lingered, became icy cold._

"_Please remove your hand Rhett, people are looking."_

"_Let them look, Scarlett. But more importantly let them talk about of our obvious mutual fondness." This tone full of mock forced her to lift her eyes from his hand, locking eyes, time stood still for a brief time, and she found it hard to redraw her eyes from his derision ones. Briefly, a flinch of something softer filled the blackness, pushing the hardness away. Before, she had a chance to recognize the glimmer it was gone, she felt her lips dropping down agai;, it surprised her. She hadn't known she was smiling, not a full smile but a smile anyway. Abruptly, loneliness engrossed her._

"Wasn't it a lovely sermon today?" Melly's voice brought her back.

"Oh" She muttered quietly, not able to remember two words said by the good Priest.

"Scarlett found it very soothing and relaxing." Rhett smiled at his wife, his face kindly but his eyes full of jest.

"I did not!" she cried.

"Why, my mistake. I'm just not used to you sitting so very quietly for such a long period of time."

"How you do run on, Rhett!"

She watched him turning his head to Melly to discuss the Preach in length with her, his aura changed from demur to humbleness and attentiveness. A bitter frown came to Scarlett's face; a stranger passing by could easily assume, Rhett was bonded with Melly and not her, Rhett held respect for so few women, why hadn't he married one he respected instead of her. Again the strange loneliness crept in on her, she had lost so much with her parents: they had been the safe harbour she could always return to, now, there wasn't anywhere to run.

Not wanting to look back she raised her cheek and studied the group around Melly's dinner table, customarily, younger children like Bonnie and Ella were send to dine in the kitchen, but Melly only laughed and said they would learn their table manners faster dining with the adults, besides, it was family and with family the rules soften.

Wade was in a lively dialogue with Beau, their heads were bend closely together in shared secrets. For several minutes she watched them, Beau wasn't the fair -headed little boy anymore, his hair had darkened to a similar color as Wade; it was easy to see their kinship. Both had the same soft brown-coloured eyes. Once, they had reminded her of a cow's eyes, now, she saw Melly in them and she liked that very much. Why, her son was a part of Melly! How strange to think that! A part of Melly, but Melly was the boy's aunt by blood; they shared the same bloodline just as she did with the boy. Disturbed by her thoughts she turned to her oldest daughter, regret filled her. Ella sat next to Bonnie and whispered something to her sister, both girls giggled. Ella was Frank's daughter more than she was Scarlett's, the ginger hair wouldn't let her forget that. Swiftly, she changed her focus to her youngest daughter; Bonnie, the kinship to Scarlett's was impossible to miss. The girl was a mixture of Scarlett and her late grandfather, only, one had to study the little girl further to see Gerald in her, it was found in the girl's stubbornness, fearlessness and proudly raised chin, and, of course, a pair of the bluest eyes. At the same time Bonnie was a little miniature of her mother, with her pale skin, dark hair and features. Even, the girl's hands were Scarlett's. Rhett had joked with the fact shortly after his daughter had been born, if it wasn't for the girl's feet he would have doubted he had any part in the girl. The girl seemed to have been created by Scarlett on her own, and perhaps a Divine power, he had joked. Bonnie looked up and smiled at her mother, Rhett hadn't been right, the whiteness of Bonnie's teeth came from Rhett as well.

Next Scarlett's eyes landed on Melanie, she was too homely to be called pretty but her heart-shaped face had a special charm that was hard to pinpoint. They shared a long journey together, a journey of hardship and going without.

Melly had been there from the moment the war broke out and until now, often, she had thought Melly a burden, longing to get rid of her, now the shadows faded and she seemed to remember other times. Melly had helped her with the soldier she had shot and she had tended to her baby son when she couldn't. She had worked her back sore to provide for her son and the others on Tara those dark days, but Melly had help all she could by giving Wade something Scarlett had lacked the skills to give him. If only she knew what it was she would be more like Melly, and if she was more like Melly, she would be more like Ellen. It was all too confusing!

Melanie excused the children who ran to the yard to play.

In the parlor coffee was served for the four adults, Scarlett poured sugar and milk into her cup as she always did, it was beyond her how her body seemed to function when her mind didn't. Thoughts came and went faster than she could make any sense of them but at the same time a big, thick cloud had taken port in her head. It was preventing her from participate in any of the talking, preventing her from feeling anything but the great, frightening and overwhelming sense of loneliness. All she knew was that life would never be the same again, she would never be the same again, and narrowing her eyes she, unexpectedly, remembered.

_She was back at Tara, alone, Mammy and Dilcey had left her after telling her about her mother, Ellen. That night her youth had gone, her innocent had been lost and she had known, there had been no security or haven to which she could turn now. She had come to an end of a road that night._

_She had felt so utterly alone, so cheated and betrayed._

Her present loneliness was similar to her past, why? Why was she reminded of one of the worst times in her life, when she didn't like to look back? She was safe now, with all the money her heart could desire, now was nothing like then.

"Are you alright, Scarlett?" Melly looked at her worriedly.

Realizing she still held her untouched and now cold cup of coffee in her hand, she looked guilty at Melly, "I'm fine Melly."

"Are you sure dear, you look so awful pale?" It was obviously Melly didn't believe her.

"I am. I was just thinking about Tara, in such a few years Tara has change thrice, I doubt Tara will ever be the same again." She answered with remorse.

"But there wouldn't be a Tara anymore if it wasn't for you, my dear, you saved us all. I will always be grateful of that" Melly's voice was stern and serious.

"Oh Melly, it's such a long time ago." Starting to feel very uncomfortable, she tried to end the conversation.

"No it's not!" Melly refused to keep silent, "It's barely eight years, and I won't ever forget."

Taken aback with the strength in Melly's voice, Scarlett's mouth rounded in an O shape and she just sat staring at her sister-in-law.

"It was not a small thing you did, dear Scarlett, you saved more than one live" Melly ended her praise.

The passion in Melanie's voice had startled the men and they turned to look at the women, cornered Scarlett's eyes flew from Melly's face to Ashley's and then to Rhett's before they landed on her cup. Rhett had been studying Melly closely, his face alert.

"Darling if it wasn't for you, I would've lost Beau in childbirth or lost him soon after if you hadn't taken us with you and worked harder than any slave to provide for us. I…I don't think I would be here today, if not for you. How can I forget that or belittle it?"

"Thank you Melly" Scarlett offered to end the praise; all she had done was to fulfil her duty. She never wanted to go back to those days ever again but her disobeying mind deceived her.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for reviewing; I love to hear your thoughts about this story and thanks for reading

Thanks for reviewing; I love to hear your thoughts about this story and thanks for reading.

Back from a vacation in Canada, Alberta, I'm up for another chapter.

Hope you enjoy…

Like before I don't own anything about GWTW…

Chapter eight

The weekend had come and gone in a blaze of pain and changes, yet, either had left. The pain, sharp as it had started, had transformed into a never breaking guilt and shame. The mixture prevented her from sleeping at night, and when she slept, it was a restless, unsettled sleep. With Rhett in her bed, she didn't dare eloping to the much-wanted decanter in the dinning-room.

First she had found comfort in watching her sleeping husband, reminded of better times, soon, the remembrance slipped into hunting guilt, his present reminded her of exactly why he was there, because of her actions. Her shameless actions.

The changes were just as confusing, Rhett had told her things would change, but she really couldn't see any changes at all. Rhett was back in her bed, or at least, physically he was, but more distant than ever. He hardly spoke two words to her when they were alone, she had been sure, even willing to bet money on it, that he would take away her loneliness, but she had been wronged.

If anything, he had added to her loneliness. It was a mystery to her how this could be, he was here, wasn't he?

She had noticed a change in him, perhaps it was that change he had talked about; she hadn't really understood his rambling. He was quiet and preoccupied, and he was kinder to everyone around him except her, with her he was so distant that it felt like he wasn't there at all. On the surface, it would seem they were doing well together and that he cared, but she knew better, his eyes never followed her anymore, they were on Bonnie all the time, now.

He never mocked her anymore or brought up anything in their past. What good was it if he was home every night, when he could as well be on the Moon.

Her distress was starting to show; the hunted look in her eyes was back, it turned her eyes into a darker shade of green and they appeared bigger, it would have been most appealing, if it wasn't for the shadow in them which indicated fear, raw fear and deep, deep confusion. The last time the hunted look had clouded her vision, it had been mixed with survival instinct, clearly shinning through. That instinct was amiss this time, it had been part of her strength and had reassured people she would do whatever it took to stay alive and keep those around her alive, it had called for respect and fear. Without it she seemed utterly lost and it called for pity in others.

She hadn't eaten well and it was showing, yet, only Mammy noticed it, and urged her to eat. An urge she strongly refused, instead she drank coffee none stop. Her former appetite had transformed into coffee hunger, the stimulating quality had vanished but her craving.

It was Tuesday, today she would supervise the mill, usually a loved task, today a task she dreaded. She hadn't been to the mill since Ashley's birthday. She would have left, already, if Rhett weren't held up at an important meeting in the bank.

He had forbidden her to go alone, and truthfully, she was glad for the excuse not to go on her own. Both knew if she had wanted to she would've gone, despise his forbidding her.

Not knowing what to do with the time on hand she left her room, with no destination in mind she wandered slowly. When she came to the door of Rhett's room, Bonnie came out with all tangled hair.

"Bonnie, what have you done to your hair?"

"Dressing it Mother." The girl sounded like it was obvious what she had been doing.

"It's your hair better now?" Scarlett couldn't help herself but chuckling at her charming daughter.

"No! I'm looking for Mammy."

"Let me help you, precious" Scarlett offered, surprising herself, she never dressed her daughters' hair.

Meeting her daughter's eyes in the mirror Scarlett's lips moved slightly upwards, the blue orbs were so beautiful and full of live. Bonnie reached for the brush and gave it to her Mother; dutifully she began to stroke the silky curls of the little girl.

With her wandering mind unsettled, she stole glances of the room; it was odd to be in here, this was the domain of Rhett, and Bonnie. Not that the room was personalized in any form, it was clearly a sleeping room for a man, it didn't hold any decorating items except the pictures of Bonnie on the large bureau. Mainly, a large bed dominated the room and if it wasn't for the much smaller bed bedside it, it would've been a typical bachelor bedroom. Now, it felt abandoned, only the small bed appeared to be in use.

"Mother?" Turning her eyes back to the blue ones starring at her in the mirror, Scarlett replied; "Yes Bonnie"

Narrowing her eyes Bonnie seemed to reflect on something important, "why is Ella's hair red?"

Narrowing her own eyes Scarlett studied her youngest child, "why, what do you mean, precious?"

"Daddy has black hair, you have black hair and I've black hair. Wade has brown hair but Ella's hair is not brown or black. It's red." Tilting her head Bonnie's eyes grew big with questions.

Scarlett had never really given it any thoughts that Bonnie might find it odd, that she was the only one of the children looking like any of her parents. She wasn't in the habit of inspecting anything about her children but their clothing's, if she did, she was bitterly reminded of memories better left forgotten, memories of her two former marriages. Her oldest children wouldn't let her forget save to their looks.

"Oh, honey, you know that Ella and Wade call your daddy for uncle Rhett, don't you?" This time it was Scarlett who tilted her head to her right.

"Yes, why mother?"

"Well, your daddy isn't Ella's daddy precious. That's why Ella has ginger hair." She hoped the questioning would end here; she was getting pretty uncomfortable.

"Why?" Chock was written all over the little girl's face, it was almost amusing if it wasn't such a difficult subject.

Briefly, she wondered how she would have felt it her own mother had had an older child with a different father than her own pa; suddenly, a chill filled her.

"Why mother? Who is Ella's daddy and does daddy know?" It was easy to see that the child was troubled, but she had always assumed Bonnie had understood.

"Yes, Bonnie your daddy knows. I was married to Ella's father before I married your daddy." Smiling, she hoped to reassure her daughter.

Turning, Bonnie looked up at her mother, "where is Ella's daddy now?"

"He passed away, darling. And I married your daddy."

Narrowing her eyes again, Bonnie examined her mother's eyes.

"Do you like black or red hair best mother?

Unknown to Scarlett her eyes soften; "your hair is beautiful and so are you, precious."

"But Mother is daddy prettier than Ella's daddy?" Bonnie was still worried.

"Your daddy is handsome, better than for his own good. Frank, Ella's father wasn't handsome like your daddy, Bonnie."

"Oh!"

All of a sudden Scarlett took in her own words, in haste, she added, "but you can't tell Ella. It would made her very sad, Bonnie."

"I can't!" the little one pouted, before her face brightened up, "but I can tell daddy."

"Tell me what Bonnie?" Rhett drawled from the door, where he was leaning at the doorframe

"Daddy!" Bonnie cried, happily she ran to him and threw herself into his awaiting arms.

"Mother says Ella's daddy isn't pretty like you." Remembering her mother's words, she lowered her voice, "but we mustn't tell Ella, it will make her cry."

Scarlett was embarrassed she wouldn't have answered the question if she had known Rhett would hear her respond.

Truth was that Rhett was handsome and Frank never was, but she never wanted Rhett to know, that she gave him any more thoughts than he gave her, which was none. He could play the caring husband in public but the story was diverse when they were in private. He didn't care about her.

Even, when she felt his hot stare she refused to meet his eyes, she wouldn't give him the pleasure.

"Daddy!" Bonnie not one liking to share, demanded her daddy's attention.

"It will be our secret, honey," he laughed.

Feeling like an intruder Scarlett hurried past her husband and daughter. Would it ever change? Would this peculiar sense of not belonging ever disappear?

TBC ;-)


	9. Chapter 9

I don't own anything regarding GWTW

I don't own anything regarding GWTW.

Thank you so much for all your reviews  they make my day.

iris Fibonacci: the emotional complexity you describe is exactly what I wanted to build this story on. It was a great part of Scarlett in GWTW, she always felt alone and separated from others. Besides loneliness in a bad marriage can be hell.

Djeanne: You will have to be patient, Scarlett and Rhett are not ready for exciting things to happen yet.

Jade vert: unfortunately I'm blind to grammar errors; you will have to bear with me, English isn't my first language.

Hope you enjoy this chapter

Chapter Nine

Bonnie had been furious when she couldn't come with her daddy, but, for once, Rhett had been stern telling her he would be working, the girl was so used to travelling the town with him, she took it for granted she could come.

Scarlett wasn't sure whether she agreed with Rhett in this decision or not. With her heart beating fast, her body temperature shifting quickly from extremely hot to icy cold, she couldn't help thinking the girl would have been a nice distraction.

She sat next to Rhett in the open carriage, he was steering the horse with ease, steeling a quick glance at him she angered. He was looking so very relaxed!

That cad!

Here she was with a pulse racing dangerously and a heart beating loudly enough for everyone to hear, and he was perfectly at ease.

Damn him!

"Was there a shortness of rouge today, Scarlett?"

Fuming, she turned to him; "Why, I didn't check!"

Smirking, he directed his stare to her; "Pray enlighten me, why you didn't?"

Oh, he must know, she thought; her rough had been for Ashley.

"It didn't go with my dress." She lied hotly.

His body trembled with laughter, "No, pink rouge wouldn't go with a pale pink dress!"

Looking down on herself she grasped her mistake, she had been too absent to pay any attention to her dress this morning, and seeing her lamb's distress Mammy had chosen the dress she wore.

"Why, it would be too much pink," she shot back.

"Indeed it would, especially with the hotness in your chins, dear." He mocked, "but please tell me why you chose this dress? It misses your usually alluring, err charms." The odd light was back in his eyes.

"I didn't!"

"You didn't what, Scarlett?"

"Choose it. Mammy did!" All anger left her as the loneliness crept back into her heart; she couldn't understand what was happening to her, why she felt so lost. She had all, now, money and security and her children weren't hungry anymore. She had come a long way; why couldn't she be glad. So what if her dress was plainer than what she usually wore, it wasn't a wrack, was it?

She felt his full attention on her and knew he wouldn't stop, before he had gotten the answers he wanted, sighing she wished, she knew the answers too.

"Why did Mammy choose your dress, Scarlett?" His eyes were burning hot on her but his voice icy cold. Refusing to meet his glare, she raised her jaw, "is there a law against Mammy choosing my dress?"

"No, not one I know of, Scarlett."

She was off the hook, not that it made her feel any better, his questions had started the same questions in her. Questions she lacked the ability to answer, and possibly the will too. But it warmed her to some degree that he had cared to mock instead of keeping his strange, hurting distance. With a rush of disappointment, she remembered why he cared; they were in public!

Driving up to the mill cold sweat formed on her upper lip, it was the first time, since last Friday she was here. It had never failed to excite her to supervise the mills. The moment, she entered the door to Ashley's office sweetness had engaged her, her eyes had soften and her track of life had appeared clear.

She had felt young again.

Now, starring at the door, from the carriage, she felt all the feelings she customarily felt when steeping out from Ashley's office; regret, bitterness, loss and the weight of fruitless years.

If it wasn't for Rhett waiting to help her down; she would've turned the carriage and left, too tired to face Ashley and her past now. The hug was in the past but it refused to stay there, infecting her present with its poison.

"Scarlett, I don't have all day." Rhett's emotionless voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Why, of course not!" She spat.

Gentlemanly, Rhett offered her his arm; grateful she accepted and embraced the heat his body gave her. He kept the proper distance between them and never looked at her but she gladly took the little he was willing to give, heat and some strength passing from his strong arm.

Rhett opened the door and untangled his arm from her, giving her access to enter the office, sighing, she cursed the protocol forcing her to enter the room first.

It would've been preferable that Rhett fought the way for her by entering first, in a matter of speaking, securing the room before she stepped in. It would never happen. Her fights were for her to fight alone, it seemed. Lifting the hem of her dress slightly, she stepped into the small office.

Nothing had change, it was still a small and dark office with two desks and more papers spread around than she liked, Ashley had never understood the importance of tidiness.

Her eyes clouded with confusion and worries landed on the said person, Ashley.

Mother of God, he looked worn and old… and defeated.

Expecting to feel a rush of love and guilt for the ageing man before her, she was surprised when no emotions consumed her, not even pity. Delayed, she felt the pang of loneliness. Was it ever to leave her?

Refusing to meet her or Rhett's eyes Ashley shared at his shoes: "Hallo Scarlett. Captain Butler"

"Mr. Wilkes." Rhett replied.

Remembering her manner, Scarlett choked; "Ashley."

"As much as I would like you two to catch up, I promised Bonnie I would be home early, Mrs. Butler."

Rhett moved to the chair behind the vacant desk, leaning hard on the chair he stretched his long legs on the desk, from his inner pocket he redrew a cigar. Before he lit it he looked at Scarlett: "Do you mind, Mrs. Butler?"

"You know I don't" She hadn't moved one inch yet, her feet seemed to be rooted to the same sport, nor had Ashley moved.

"Do you have the books ready for me?" She finally said, stepping closer to his desk.

"Sure I have, they are here somewhere, Scarlett," Ashley began to move some papers on his desk.

Preparing for a long wait, Scarlett sighed and moved to the small window, from there she had a full view over the front yard of the mill, and it was busy with the workers handling the threes. She had been proud of this place since the beginning, she had wanted it so much and fortunately Rhett had offered to loan her the money to purchase it. He had been the only one believing in her and supporting her, when all others had turned their backs to her. It had been unheard of for a woman to buy a mill, unacceptable for her to feed and support her family but respectable for her to let it starves. It was lack of common sense, a way of thinking she would never understand.

"Had you imagine it would be this big, Rhett?" She spoke before thinking.

"I wouldn't have expected less from you and that shrewd business head of yours, Mrs. Butler" The words were means but without malice in his voice it appeared as a compliment.

"Here is one of the books, Scarlett!" Ashley stood with it in his hands, when she didn't move to take it; he walked away from his protective desk and placed it on a corner of the desk Rhett sat behind.

"I will have the second book ready in a minute." He promised, still, without looking at her.

"Fine, are there any estimates I should look at?" She never allowed any estimation to leave this office before she had run over it, the few times she hadn't; she had lost sums of money.

"Yes, they are here somewhere." He moved more papers around on his desk.

It was easy to see that Rhett was amused with the situation, if it hadn't been her mill and her money, it might have amused her as well.

After what seemed like hours Ashley had found and handed her both books and the papers she needed, now, she could escape this office again.

"Already done, Mrs. Butler. I always thought you did more in this office." Rhett jibed, when she moved to the door.

"Your imagination has always been lively!" She bit back.

"I don't think so, Mrs. Butler." He coolly stared at her.

"How you do run on. Let's go home," turning to Ashley she, quickly, said; "Goodbye Ashley, send my greetings to Melly."

Without waiting for her husband or looking back she left the office.

On the way home sat she very still, her life had turned into a battlefield once more, only this times she didn't understand why, at Tara it had been the war and loosing her mother. Visible, understandable things she could fight, and fought she had to her fingers bled and violent pains daggered at her back.

She knew she had been called selfish, but was it selfish, not wanting to see your loved ones go hungry or needy?

She never would understand that accusing.

Tara had been worth it all. But those days were behind her, why did she keep feeling she was back at Tara, the first night she arrived there, after fleeing Atlanta?

It was not the same! Now, she was in a battle she only understood little of, of course, she knew it had started with that stupid hug, she could handle that but the other thing, the loneliness, she couldn't understand. It was beyond her, hunger and poverty she could understand and fight but this.

The loneliness seemed to stalk her; there was no escaping it or her thoughts for that matter.

Scarlett tumbled backwards when the carriage came to an abrupt halt, before she could gather herself, she heard Rhett drawl: Dr. Meade and Mrs. Meade, how are you on this fine day?"

"Captain Butler, Scarlett," Dr. Meade retuned, Mrs. Meade nodded her head in a accepting greeting but not one to keep her mouth shut, she thought otherwise; "what a fine party Melanie gave Ashley, she's such a devoted wife and mother!" Directing her stare to Scarlett, her mouth dropped in disapproval.

"Ah, Scarlett and I enjoyed it tremendously, isn't that right, dear?" His eyes were dark as coal, but the warning in them, was visibly.

"Yes, Melly is a dear." She directed her stare at Rhett, who just smiled a warm smile that didn't reach his eyes, "just a shame India couldn't come!" She smiled sweetly to Mrs. Meade showing her dimples.

"Melanie's innocent heart is honouring her" Mrs. Meade stated.

"Yes Melly has truly the kindest heart. If you will excuse us I believe Bonnie is awaiting us. Rhett?" She turned coolly to Rhett while talking, if he could use their daughter shamelessly so could she.

"Of course, dear." He nodded his head in farewell. Politely, Scarlett did the same and was rewarded with a sour nod from Mrs. Meade. Dr. Meade lifted his hat and smiled to Rhett.

"Next time bite your tongue, Scarlett" Rhett's calmness was unnerving and unnaturally.

"I don't see why!" She snapped.

"You never were clever, Scarlett, but try to remember you have a daughter, Bonnie."

Oh, damn him but she bit her tongue and remembered her pledge to listen to him; her temper just got the best of her sometimes, like before.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: You know the drill by now, it all belong to others…

Thanks for all your kind reviews, they made me come back to this story and hopefully I'll be able to write more soon. The story deserves an ending. Thanks for sticking with the story.

The story just made me thing about Cat Steven's 'Wild World'

Somehow it's a song of love but with a hint of bitterness and what might be revenge. In a way the song is like the dysfunctional love between our couple.

Hope you enjoy.

Amends

Chapter 10

The diner table was set when they came home, after a quick refreshing Scarlett stepped into the dining-room and found her seat. Rhett was already towering at the head of the table Bonnie sat to his left and next to her sat Wade. Her place was on Rhett's right side with Ella on her other side.

Rhett was telling the children a story and they listened with shining, admiring eyes, and once in a while Bonnie interrupted with her silly questions, but patiently he answered them all before continuing the tale. He didn't even stop when the diner was served but silently urged the children to eat while listening. His voice was soothing and for the first time that day Scarlett relaxed, taking deeply breaths some of the tension left her shoulders, and the dull ache in her head ceased.

For a while she fooled herself into believing she would eat, she even pushed the food around the plate to re-arrange it in an appetizing arrangement, but to no avail. Changing her focus she turned her attention to Bonnie, the girl was stealing food from her father's plate and he just smiled proudly at his daughter, he never disciplined her and just laughed when she did naughty things. And it was no use to reason with him!

Wade was growing so fast these days, suddenly surprised, she wondered where the little, hungry boy was, who used to hang in her skirts? When had he stopped crying for her attention? Confused, she turned her glance to her right, Ella, her light-headed daughter, Frank's daughter. Frowning, she searched the little girl's face for something familiar, besides Frank. Not really knowing what to look for or why to look for it, she returned her stare to her plate, again.

Bonnie glided down her chair and went to her mother, and reaching down Scarlett picked her daughter up. In Scarlett's lap Bonnie turned, throw her arms around her mother's neck and whispered into her ear; "I haven't told Ella."

Turning her head slightly, Scarlett kissed the soft chin of Bonnie, "thank you precious. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I am mother! But I loved talking to you."

"So did I Bonnie, so did I." And bizarrely she had. Bonnie rested against her mother, she couldn't remember ever to have been allowed to sit in her mother's lap for more than a few minutes and decided to enjoy all the time she got now.

The loneliness absorbing Scarlett decreased vaguely.

Kissing Bonnie on the top of her hair, Scarlett lifted her head to see Rhett stare at her with puzzlement and something she couldn't define in his eyes, swiftly, he removed the expression and replaced it with his normal one of carelessness, before he continued his tale of pirates.

Later that night Bonnie demanded to have her Mother brushing her hair, willingly Scarlett obeyed the will-strong child, Bonnie was such a humorous figure when she took the brush out of Mammy's hand and pushed her daddy out of the room. Ordinarily, a decline would've left Scarlett's mouth on its own record, but too tired of a whirling mind and insisting sense of loneliness, she appraised the escape. And it was a sweet opportunity to see Rhett being urged out of the room by firm, blue eyes. He hid his hurt poorly, even, Scarlett saw it. Recognized easily by her own frequently jealousy.

An unexpected warmth rushed thought her as she watched her daughter pushing herself up on the stool before the vanity drawer, Bonnie was breathtakingly charming with her sparkling eyes and small dimples.

"Mother was daddy a pirate when you met him?"

Amused, she moved behind the stool and started to stoke Bonnie's hair, "indeed your daddy was playing quite the pirate when I meet him, precious."

Moving her body in excitement Bonnie's large eyes transfixed with her mother's, "did daddy fight thousands of men off to steal you away?"

"No daddy didn't fight for me Bonnie, he gave me a ring, see," she reached her hand into the air between the mirror and Bonnie.

"It's really big!" Bonnie touched the big diamond, "it looks heavy, did he steal it Mother?"

"I hope not, darling!" Scarlett looked at the diamond ring; it was heavy and almost vulgar in its largeness, for a brief moment, she only felt resentment of the ring and its vulgarity.

"Your daddy wouldn't steal, you know it's wrong, don't you know Bonnie?"

Frowning, Bonnie tilted her head; "daddy is a pirate and pirates steals, just ask Beau."

"Bonnie he wouldn't!" Trying to reason with her daughter she didn't give in.

"He would!" Bonnie narrowed her eyes in challenge.

"Who would what?" A swarthy face asked from the door.

"Daddy!" Bonnie ran to Rhett. "Daddy you would steal for Mother wouldn't you?" Bonnie asked in her cute voice.

"Ah, sweetheart that I would and I've." He laughed into his daughter's hair.

"When did you do such a foolish thing," Scarlett inquired.

"Nothing faint as the memory of a woman. The fine horse and wagon that ensure our

grand escape from a burning Atlanta." He jested.

"Oh!" Doubting, she narrowed her eyes.

"Where did you think it came from?"

"Why, I never thought about?"

"Ah, I didn't think so." He didn't look at her.

"And the ring daddy, you stole it too?"

"Sure I did, Bonnie."

"Don't say such things to her, Rhett, it's not proper."

Kissing his daughter on the top of her hair, he ignored Scarlett, "say goodnight to your Mother Bonnie."

Knowing she had lost, Scarlett went to his side and gently kissed Bonnie, "sleep tight, precious."

"Goodnight Mother" Bonnie yarned.

Quietly, she walked out of the room the victory from before totally gone, she wasn't needed by Bonnie or Rhett.

She wasn't needed!

Always, her children and husbands had been unwelcome intruders in her life, but was she different in Rhett's life with Bonnie? Was she an intruder, she indeed, right now, felt like one, it was a new feeling and a hurtful one.

Pacing the floor in the large parlor, Scarlett felt trapped, the mills' ledges lay open on the desk but she couldn't concentrate on them, her mind spinning faster with guilty thoughts than she had thought possible, and needing a drink badly she cursed Rhett. He made it impossible for her to sneak down at night and have her nightcap, a gentleman would turned the blind eye to her nightly adventure, pretending it was female issues she tended to. A drink was the only thing that would slow down her mind and give her some rest.

The door was opening slowly, rapidly, she went to the desk and lowered her body to the chair, bowing her head over the papers; she appeared to be working.

Rhett came into the parlor carefully, carrying a tray with a filled decanter and glasses, God's nightgown! She couldn't sit idly by watching him drink his brandy in gentlemanly fashion.

Damn him! Narrowing her eyes she bitterly glared at him.

"Come, Scarlett, no need to burn holes in my fine linen." He gazed briefly at her.

"Don't be silly!" Anger was starting to fume her.

"I told you, I don't care if you like your brandy, take your share openly." He poured a large portion for himself and chose a high backed chair near the fire. Focusing on his papers he ignored her.

First, she ignored him and the decanter, she was a lady and she could do without brandy.

It was humiliating that he thought she drank. Bouncing her foot and biting her lips, her glace kept returning to the decanter, until all she thought of was the liquid contents.

Damn it!

Flustered, she stood up and walk to the table with the brandy, generously pouring a glass.

Perhaps she would sleep tonight, after all.

Stepping back to her desk, she refused to look at her husband, knowing she had lost this battle of will and lies. Her poor mother would turn in her grave when seeing her oldest daughter liking her brandy and doing it in front of her husband. What a shame!

Shame had been her closest friend lately and she was bone tired, more tired than anytime before in her life. Worst, she felt licked!

Rhett had promised to help her but he wasn't at all. Just the bare thought of him started the endless feeling of shame, guilt and loneliness, and his present reopened her wound and it wouldn't stop bleeding. If only she could get away, find security somewhere, but she was bound by her promised. Bonnie's reputation was more important than her own need for security.

Refugee seemed impossible in all way, normally she disappeared into the ledges, but recently her mind had become a stranger to reason, now, it rather deal with irrelevant issues than with business. If only she knew what was happening to her.


End file.
